We as a culture seem to be mesmerised today by the Marvel and DC worlds of Super Heroes, but have you noticed that every Super Hero has a serious flaw or weakness. We tend to focus on their Super human gifts because most of us have dreams of wanting to be better and more powerful than others, but even Super Heroes have their weaknesses. Iron Man although brilliantly clever and inventive is often vain, proud and selfish; The Hulk is almost unstoppably strong but full of anger and rage.
It is the same for us. As well as our gifts we often lament our short-comings - not pretty enough, not tall enough; not smart enough; not wealthy enough, and all our character flaws that we tend to try and hide from others.. I believe that it is not a mistake that we are not perfect. Imagine for a second if you were perfect in every way, how might that affect the way you interact with others. Well for a start everyone else would either be jealous of you or intimidated by you or perhaps want to associate with you so that some of your perfect allure might rub off on them. It would be very difficult for people to be friends with you because they would feel that there was nothing that they could do to be of help to you. Most people would not reveal to you their hidden worries or concerns because it would make them feel inferior to you or alternatively you might have some dependent people coming to you to save them, and forget that they need to work on themselves as well as receiving assistance from others.
How might it affect the way you treat others? Well for a start you would probably not want or need to form friendships or to find a partner. You would be totally self sufficient. It would probably be a very lonely existence. Like the mythical King Midas who asked a god to give him the power to change everything he touched turn into gold, he found to his dismay that if he touched another person they would immediately turn into gold statues; he could not eat food because as soon as it touched his tongue the food would turn to gold. He would have eventually starved both emotionally and physically if he hadn’t asked for the ‘spell’ to be removed. I
It is the same for us, our weaknesses and flaws are part of what makes us human, what makes us seek out others both to help and be helped. Our weaknesses create community. There is a a wonderful novel by the Australian author Thomas Keneally called ‘The Clowns of God’, also author of the famous book Schinler’s Ark, which Spielberg adapted into a film called Schinler’s List. The clowns of God are children who are physically or mentally handicapped. The book explains that these children can invoke in others, compassion and kindness and care. That their handicaps draw out from people such as their parents heroic acts of love and care. Have you ever met a parent who does have a handicapped child in some way. Sometimes these parents are angry and bitter and resentful of their children but in other parents it has created people who are incredibly loving and gentle and tender not just to their own child, but also to everyone around them..It is always our choice how we respond to challengers, flaws weaknesses in ourselves and others.
This is not to suggest at all that we should simply accept our short-comings or for that matter others. It does not mean we should not try to improve and work on them, but it does mean that our weaknesses are not all bad news. In regard to ourselves we need to cultivate a radical acceptance that we have imperfections and at the same time patiently work on improving them, especially if they are causing us a lot of problems. For instance if you are addicted to something, you first have to admit it, accept it (many addicted people try to hide from themselves and others judgement) and then decide what to do about it. You will most probably need help and this is a gift that others can offer you and then with their help you begin the slow and courageous work of recovery. I will tell you this - some of the most remarkable, extraordinary, talented and successful people I have come across in my work as a psychologist are recovering addicts of one sort or another. Their recovery from addiction which is quite a terrible weakness has forced them to grow, and in this process of growing they can ‘outgrow’ other people who because they have not had such a serious weakness to deal with are often more complacent and just cruise along in life not really stretching themselves or feeling the need to grow and develop.
Finally if you are a spiritual person in any way, your own flaws and weaknesses can motivate you to develop your relationship with a higher power. I myself am a spiritual person. I don’t like the word God because some people who profess a belief in God have committed horrible acts of prejudice and violence in their God’s name. My name for God is the Divine Loving Mystery. And my weaknesses have brought me closer to the DLM because I reach out in humility for help and guidance and this relationship has grown stronger and deeper through the years and I can truly say that without this relationship I would not be the person I am today. St Paul one of the writers of the Christian New Testament summed this up in the statement, ‘In my weakness is my strength’. All other religions teach this same deep truth. .
So approached in the right way our weaknesses are a strange but profound and beautiful gift, giving rise to kindness, tenderness, community, empathy, self improvement and growth.