Sometimes when I meet a client for the first time it is very clear that they are suffering or significantly disturbed. But often the person who I usher into my room for the first time seems quite self composed, even happy. It's not till later on in the session does the client drop their guard and reveal the true depth of their sadness, fear etc.

I'm thinking about a client I met last year. He was around 6' 5"; rugged good looks; quite suave and urbane in his presentation. To look at him you would think that this was a man who was on top of his game. For the first half of the session he was describing some work problems that he was experiencing and asking advice about how he might handle a delicate situation in the workplace.

Something he said prompted me to ask about his father. My enquiry had been barely uttered when his face crumpled and he began to sob and rock back and forth. Thirty years ago I would have been shocked by this sudden transformation, but today I am quite used to it. He went on to describe the extreme abuse that he had suffered at the hands of his father.

Most of us if not all of us try very hard to present to the world a composed, coping appearance, in particular we men. Most of us wear a mask hiding the true person within rarely letting anyone know the problems we are dealing with or the pain we are experiencing. We are afraid of being judged as weak or failing in life.

We do not do anyone any favours by doing this. I often hear from my clients that they believe that they are the only one in their family or friendship group that are really struggling. I reassure them by talking to them about the masks we wear and that most of the people they know are suffering in hidden ways. So many of us suffer our own private 'hells' not realising that if we lowered our masks albeit with someone we trust it would encourage them to do so also which is not only a relief for them both but the beginning of the journey of healing. The message of this blog is you are not alone. All of us struggle and all of us need to open up to another be it someone we know or trust or a professional helping person such as a therapist

- Matthew Ryan