Harville Hendrix, a marriage therapist and American author, describes a conscious marriage as one in which “maximum psychological and spiritual growth is fostered”.
It is a marriage created by consciously attempting to become aware of the “emotional baggage” that each partner brings to the relationship; understanding the possible problems that arise from the “clashing together” of each partner’s emotional baggage and then collaborating together to find creative ways of dealing with their own and the other’s baggage.
Getting the Love You Want
In one of the early chapters of his book, “Getting the Love You Want”, Hendrix outlines the ten characteristics of a conscious marriage.
Some of these characteristics are as follows:
Taking responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner: This involves each partner understanding that the other partner isn’t able to automatically intuit their needs, and therefore the necessity of learning to clearly communicate one’s hopes and concerns.
To Accept the Difficulty of Creating a Good Marriage: Both partners understand that the secret of achieving a good marriage is not so much finding the “right” partner, but for each partner to be the right partner – and that this involves serious effort, commitment and courage.
Each Partner Embracing the Dark Side of Their Personality: In a conscious marriage, each partner openly acknowledges their own frailties and weaknesses and accepts the same of their partner; accepting that perfection is not a requirement of a good relationship.
To Realize that You Can’t Change the Other, You Can Only Change Yourself: Many people believe that the only way problems can be resolved in a relationship, is for their partner to change they way they behave. Partners in a conscious marriage know that they have no power over changing the other’s behaviour – but they do have the power to change their own behaviour and that when they do, their partner’s behaviour will also change to accommodate their change.
The Rise of Conscious Marriage
In the past, people stayed together in unhappy marriages because separation and divorce was taboo.
Today, however, there is little social stigma attached to divorce, so if partners are to stay together, the marriage must become a conscious one in order to survive. It is only in a conscious marriage, where both parties are committed to working each day to keep their relationship growing and healthy, that a marriage can truly flourish.
If reading this short article has aroused your interest in learning to put into practice the principles of a conscious marriage, I would count it a privilege to offer my assistance. Click the Contact button and fill in the form to get in touch.
- Matthew Ryan